Bokonon

I surrender. Though it means nothing changes. I feel worn down at the edges from my own desires and anger. I’d rather listen to your voice than to the tense way in which I hide my needs. My love for you is greater than my hunger for drama. This too shall pass, which promises nothing but a return to this same space through cycle. Please, forgive me, as I haven’t the strength to forgive myself.

I surrender. Though it means nothing changes. I feel worn down at the edges from my own desires and anger. I’d rather listen to your voice than to the tense way in which I hide my needs. My love for you is greater than my hunger for drama. This too shall pass, which promises nothing but a return to this same space through cycle. Please, forgive me, as I haven’t the strength to forgive myself.

(Source: heptagram, via welldressedfortheapocalypse)

lying to numb the heart ache. the longer i remain in silence, the less likely you are to listen when i ask for help. thank fucking god.

lying to numb the heart ache.

the longer i remain in silence,

the less likely you are to listen when i ask for help.

thank fucking god.

(Source: smites, via violent-buddhist)

snowce: Bear Kirkpatrick Within the pristine landscape of the virgin world, I hear the whisper of your yearning heart. Fauna grows from my lusting earth. You bring frenzy and fire. but with patience, I swallow you whole.

snowce:

Bear Kirkpatrick

Within the pristine landscape of the virgin world, I hear the whisper of your yearning heart. Fauna grows from my lusting earth. You bring frenzy and fire. but with patience, I swallow you whole.

(via erotobot)

It’s birthday week. My life is miraculously ordinary in all the important ways.  This year I dedicate to unraveling the mystery. Thank you. Yes, I fucking love you.

It’s birthday week.

My life is miraculously ordinary in all the important ways. 

This year I dedicate to unraveling the mystery.

Thank you. Yes, I fucking love you.

(via fauvette)

Meaning is a human construct. Knowing that it doesn’t exist beyond this mind doesn’t hinder my fascination with it. Truth, good, not-good, purpose, etc, are all make believe. Every person I encounter feels that they are right, that they know. I have not watched myself evolve in a continuous manner. I haven’t added to a collection of unchanging truths through experience. Each year, I become an entirely new person with a new set of beliefs. How I wish that I would just evolve, rather than burn it down and start anew. and how grateful I am to see the transience of this self. What feels absolutely true to me, now, and may not tomorrow? There is an unchanging source which is infinite in nature, unquantifiable, eternal and all beyond that is the realm of the imagination. I have struggled claustrophobically in the confines of imagined boundaries. I have imagined the future and then watched it pass. As I recognize my own insignificance I relax my sense of mission and am transported to a world I cannot use language to describe.

Meaning is a human construct. Knowing that it doesn’t exist beyond this mind doesn’t hinder my fascination with it. Truth, good, not-good, purpose, etc, are all make believe. Every person I encounter feels that they are right, that they know. I have not watched myself evolve in a continuous manner. I haven’t added to a collection of unchanging truths through experience. Each year, I become an entirely new person with a new set of beliefs. How I wish that I would just evolve, rather than burn it down and start anew. and how grateful I am to see the transience of this self. What feels absolutely true to me, now, and may not tomorrow? There is an unchanging source which is infinite in nature, unquantifiable, eternal and all beyond that is the realm of the imagination. I have struggled claustrophobically in the confines of imagined boundaries. I have imagined the future and then watched it pass. As I recognize my own insignificance I relax my sense of mission and am transported to a world I cannot use language to describe.

(Source: heptagram, via sataniclovemachine)

The time has come to consciously stray from my self destructive ways. It is easy to forget in the lustful frenzy that there is work to be done. Thank you, for staying by my side while I dance to the extremes. There is no regret here, only roots that long to dig deeper.

The time has come to consciously stray from my self destructive ways. It is easy to forget in the lustful frenzy that there is work to be done. Thank you, for staying by my side while I dance to the extremes. There is no regret here, only roots that long to dig deeper.

(Source: wombed)

I went vegan the day after thanksgiving. thanks to a gentle documentary focused on the influences that an animal based diet has on our health, environment and political system. It was a moral choice for me then. The shock of that disillusionment was one of the more painful experiences I’ve lived through. After a year of being vegan, I explored raw foodism, and perhaps went a little too far in my quest for purity. Maybe it wasn’t too anything, it just was the way it was. I am a woman of extremes.  As I am not in the habit of monitoring time, I don’t know how long it’s been since then. Two years is a fair guess. Slowly, I started to accept processed food and then animal products back in to my diet. This was the result of another disillusionment. I lost the fallacy that what I did or thought mattered, that anything could be saved by my abstaining mouth. I was also faced with the hypocrisy of my personal judgments. If I felt meat was murder, and many of the people I love indulge in the products of industrial farming, is my love for them affected? Intellectually, it has been. At times I find myself baffled that anyone of intelligence can partake in the rape, torture and murder of sentient beings to satisfy a preference of taste. Thankfully, I am inclined to listen to my heart which tells me instead to accept and trust that I am not wise enough to judge what is right or wrong. Thankful am I, to some degree, that I have peered far enough within myself to know that all the horrors of this world are also within.  This leaves me here, today, with a simple preference and complex reasoning for which I choose to ingest plants instead of animals. Which isn’t to say that I would never go on a warriors journey to hunt for food or that I will never again crack eggs, but that I enjoy being lower on the food chain and the complications it avoids.

I went vegan the day after thanksgiving. thanks to a gentle documentary focused on the influences that an animal based diet has on our health, environment and political system. It was a moral choice for me then. The shock of that disillusionment was one of the more painful experiences I’ve lived through. After a year of being vegan, I explored raw foodism, and perhaps went a little too far in my quest for purity. Maybe it wasn’t too anything, it just was the way it was. I am a woman of extremes. 

As I am not in the habit of monitoring time, I don’t know how long it’s been since then. Two years is a fair guess. Slowly, I started to accept processed food and then animal products back in to my diet. This was the result of another disillusionment. I lost the fallacy that what I did or thought mattered, that anything could be saved by my abstaining mouth. I was also faced with the hypocrisy of my personal judgments.

If I felt meat was murder, and many of the people I love indulge in the products of industrial farming, is my love for them affected? Intellectually, it has been. At times I find myself baffled that anyone of intelligence can partake in the rape, torture and murder of sentient beings to satisfy a preference of taste. Thankfully, I am inclined to listen to my heart which tells me instead to accept and trust that I am not wise enough to judge what is right or wrong. Thankful am I, to some degree, that I have peered far enough within myself to know that all the horrors of this world are also within. 

This leaves me here, today, with a simple preference and complex reasoning for which I choose to ingest plants instead of animals. Which isn’t to say that I would never go on a warriors journey to hunt for food or that I will never again crack eggs, but that I enjoy being lower on the food chain and the complications it avoids.

(Source: fuckyeahnicolasripoll, via welldressedfortheapocalypse)

under the weight of the winter cold, all cleverness has vanished. a heart that shrinks at nothing and is intoxicated at the loss of madness. dreams that once hinted at the grandeur of illusion now detail an existence small enough to calculate. in the darkness of night, the wordless love of another. sharing heat and breath, calm and rich in comfort that opens the senses.  I am getting older, and my friends keep getting younger. the pressure to be a somebody has eased. instead, i amuse myself with how dangerously fucked up we all are. no one has tried to save us; not our minds and certainly not our souls. i hoped for salvation once, though love made this game too alluring. it’s a quiet life rich with dramatic character and half-hearted self destruction. I’ll wear my flaws were all can see. no need to hold any pretension of self-improvement.

under the weight of the winter cold, all cleverness has vanished. a heart that shrinks at nothing and is intoxicated at the loss of madness. dreams that once hinted at the grandeur of illusion now detail an existence small enough to calculate. in the darkness of night, the wordless love of another. sharing heat and breath, calm and rich in comfort that opens the senses. 

I am getting older, and my friends keep getting younger. the pressure to be a somebody has eased. instead, i amuse myself with how dangerously fucked up we all are. no one has tried to save us; not our minds and certainly not our souls. i hoped for salvation once, though love made this game too alluring. it’s a quiet life rich with dramatic character and half-hearted self destruction.

I’ll wear my flaws were all can see. no need to hold any pretension of self-improvement.

(via erotobot)

This state, so familiar. Jaw clenched until it aches. Nausea and loss of appetite. Shitting blood. Foggy memory. Closed heart. I just want everyone to be happy. I can’t make them happy. My resources are all pulled towards giving a simple distraction from their woes. I’m tired. There is no honesty here. My love isn’t enough. I don’t dare to conceive what living by your standards would do to me. and. I hope that we both know my standards, while incredibly real and important to me, are arbitrary.  Full experience is of greater value to me than simple happiness.

This state, so familiar. Jaw clenched until it aches. Nausea and loss of appetite. Shitting blood. Foggy memory. Closed heart. I just want everyone to be happy. I can’t make them happy. My resources are all pulled towards giving a simple distraction from their woes. I’m tired. There is no honesty here. My love isn’t enough.

I don’t dare to conceive what living by your standards would do to me. and. I hope that we both know my standards, while incredibly real and important to me, are arbitrary. 

Full experience is of greater value to me than simple happiness.

(via fauvette)